You Should Be Here
by FanGirlFreak16
Summary: You know that feeling where it feels like something is missing? Even when everything seems perfect? It's just not enough. We've felt that way a lot now. But standing on a rooftop, the rain hitting against my green skin, I just started to think about how it feels like something is missing.
You know that feeling where it feels like something is missing? Even when everything seems perfect? It's just not enough. We've felt that way a lot now. But standing on a rooftop, the rain hitting against my green skin, I just started to think about how it feels like something is missing.

Something _was_ missing.

 _Someone_ was missing.

It had been two months, yet we all still felt terrible. But this particular night, I had to leave the lair. When I heard the hard rain pounding against the ground above and echoing through the wide, hollow walls of the sewers, booming each time a single drop of precipitation fell onto the ground above.

He loved rainy days. He could always be found outside on a rooftop during a rain storm, amber eyes looking to the dark sky in fascination. I don't understand what he found so beautiful about rain. I'd rather see a bright, shining sun against a bright, blue sky. Why did he love seeing water fall from a grey, dark, cold, depressing sky?

Well, that question would have to go unanswered now. But ever since he passed, I found more beauty in the rain than I ever thought I could.

"I wish you didn't have to miss this." I told the sky. Except I wasn't talking to the sky. I was talking to _him._ I could still hear his gruff voice cutting through my hearing. He wasn't with me on that rooftop. But he _was._ I have no doubt in my mind that he is everywhere I am.

Everywhere where our brothers were.

"They said you're in a better place. Is that true?" I asked the sky. Donnie had done everything to try to save him. But this time his everything hadn't been enough.

Father cried.

Leo screamed.

Donnie self-blamed.

I sobbed painfully.

Hearing the ear splitting sound of the flat line echo through the lair was enough to drive any of us insane. I'm surprised none of us did. Leo had taken it the hardest. That's not a doubt. We were all killed. All crushed. All grievous. But Leo was max on all of those emotions. They tore him in two, not allowing him to forget the moments the two had spent as children.

They were best friends.

And they continued to be.

The two yelled at each other so much because they cared too much to let the other go, in fear of losing their friendship.

Father lost a son.

Leo lost a best friend.

Donnie lost a brother.

I lost a hero.

Funny how we all lost the same person, but we each have different titles for him. And he went out in a blaze of glory as well. He died honorably. He died in a way none of us would ever be able to forget. Even if we all decided to go get drunk on vodka, and get a hammer to the head. Not even that would get the memory out of our minds.

And though we wished it would leave, we also couldn't let it go.

But worst of all.

He took a sword for me.

Right through the heart.

A hit that was meant for me.

Went to him instead.

" _Mikey, be quiet! We're ninjas, and ninjas are to be stealthy! Ya can't be stealthy when yer makin' jokes all of the time!" He growled at me as we looked through Shredder's lair._

 _I put on a playful hurt look. "Aw, Raphie, why do you have to be so mean to me? All I ever did was love you."_

 _He growled. "Shaddup."_

" _Guys, be quiet. April said there was mutagenic action occurring in the Shredder's lair," Donnie scolded. "And if he does, we'll have to confiscate it before he can mutate all of New York City."  
_

" _Yeah, Raphie, listen to Donnie." I joked._

 _He took a swing at my head but missed, having I ducked. "I'm gonna pound yer shell in, Mike!"_

" _Guys, shut up!" Leo scolded as well._

 _I leaned against a wall as I pouted. "That's not fair. Raphie started it."_

 _He growled as he went to tackle me, but since I was leaning against a wall he only really was able to push me further back into the wall. But suddenly, the wall slipped out from underneath me, and I fell backwards, plummeting down to whatever secret room I had somehow accidentally found. I yelled as I fell and soon hit a cold, hard floor._

" _Oof!" I yelled as I impacted the floor. "Ugh," I groaned as I slowly began to sit up. I placed a hand against my head. "Next time, give me a parachute or something."_

" _Mikey, are you ok?!" I heard Raph call down. I looked up to see the slit that I had fallen through. It wasn't too far, but it was nowhere near jumping range. I could see three concerned faces looking down at me._

" _Oh, he does care!" I said in mock joy. I could hear him growl, and I decided to stop joking for a bit to at least give a valid answer to the question. "Yeah, m'fine, but I've never seen this room before."_

 _I could make out a faint green glow coming from the other side of the almost pitch black room. My only sources of light were the slit in the wall, and the ominous green glow coming from around a corner. I squinted my eyes to the strange light and slowly began to stand._

" _There's a green glow down here. I'm gonna go see what it is."_

" _No, Mikey. Don't go without us." Leo ordered. He knew I heard, but I pretended not to. My attention span was way too short to listen to him. He yelled in protests of me leaving to observe the weird light on my own as their grappling hooks clambered to reach out to grab some sort of pipe so they could climb down._

 _I rounded the corner to observe what was giving off the odd green glow, and I gasped. "Leo, Raph, Don, I found the mutagen! And there sure is a lot of it!" I wasn't lying. There were four large tubes, large in width and height, that rose from the ceiling down to the floor. All four contained mutagen._

 _Just one touch of the icky green ooze was enough to turn anyone into some sort of monstrosity, let alone four tubes full! I heard three sets of feet from behind me, then they stopped._

" _Woah." I heard Donnie say in awe._

" _Ho…"_

" _Ly…"_

" _Shell."_

 _The finish my sentence game had begun with Leo, then Raph, and ended with Donnie. My amazement had already worn off, and I just wanted to get the mutagen out and get back home._

" _C'mon, let's get it out now."_

" _How, Mikey?" I heard Leo ask._

" _I only expected a small canister of mutagen, not large tube fills." Donnie said. We all had only expected a canister. We had never seen tubes this size and of this holding capacity._

" _So what're we gonna do?" Raph asked._

 _Donnie looked to the huge tubes. He walked over to one and tapped it, wanting to see if it was attached to the ceiling and floor. Sure enough it was. He groaned. "Well, we can't move the tubes, they're attached to the ceiling and the floor," And that was the moment his genius mind began to think long and hard about what we could do. "I wonder if I could make a vehicle with as much capacity as all of these tubes combined."_

" _And how do you plan to get that vehicle in here without being detected?" Leo asked._

" _Oh, uh…" Donnie said nervously, a blush creeping up on his olive green skin. "I guess I didn't think about that."_

 _Just then Raph shushed us, and our voices died down. We listened as footsteps could be heard coming down a stair case. "Hide." Raph whispered before he disappeared into the shadows. Soon we all followed Raph in suit._

 _There was Shredder, followed by Baxter Stockman and Hun. "What tripped the alarm, Stockman?" Shredder asked in his growly voice._

" _I'm unaware, Master. All I know is that someone or something tripped the alarm signals."_

 _Ok, so, maybe we hadn't thought about alarm signals. My bad._

 _Shredder narrowed his eyes, swirling around to look at each mutagen tube closely. "We need every drop of mutagen we can get. We shall use it to threaten every human's life. I spare their human looks for their loyalty and respect until I control all of New York."_

" _That's not going to happen, Shredhead!" I shouted as I exited the shadows, swirling my nunchakus. I could hear my brothers groaning and cursing my name behind me, and I knew that I shouldn't have done what I did._

 _I know that now._

 _Shredder laughed menacingly. "So these are the freaks that tripped the alarm!"_

" _You won't get away with this, you old bucket of bolts!" Raph growled at him._

" _Oh, but I already have!" Hun went to attack us, but Shredder halted him. "No, Hun. I would like to feel my blades pierce through their skin for myself."_

 _Hun nodded once. "Yes, Master."_

 _Shredder was quick to charge at us. His blades soon clashing with Leo's katanas. "You will not hurt my brothers!" Leo growled in his face._

 _Shredder growled. "Tell me where Splinter is, and I'll be kind enough to make you all my prisoners."_

 _Leo yelled a battle cry as his blades slid from Shredder's. "I'd rather die!"_

 _Shredder lunged at Leo. "That can be arranged!" I was quick to wrap my nunchaku chain around Shredder's blade, trying to pull him my way as much as I could. I wanted to get him as close to me as I could so I could throw him against the wall or something._

 _But he pulled me first, my shell hitting the wall with such an impact the wind was knocked out of me. Shredder stood above me, blade raised in the air. "I've wanted you in particular dead for a while now! You seem like the one that your pathetic brothers would protect for any price! Now I can be rid of you once and for all!" As he yelled the word all, he thrust his blade forward, aiming at my heart._

 _I shut my eyes tightly, awaiting pain to explode bright in my chest._

 _But it never did. And when it didn't, I dared to open my eyes. I only wish that I hadn't. There was Raphael, Shredder's blade piercing right through his heart._

 _I let out such a blood curdling scream you would have thought it was me whose body had been chosen for Shredder's blade to pierce. But I wasn't. It was my elder brother._

 _I heard the sickening sound of a blade sliding out of flesh, and I cringed. I wanted to throw up at the sickening sound. Yet, I didn't. Somehow._

 _I looked up to the Shredder, only to find him gone. He must have thought getting rid of Raph would be enough to destroy us._

 _Well, he was right._

 _It was enough._

 _I immediately moved to Raph's side and held him in my arms. "Raph? Raphie, can you hear me?" Tears were pouring from my eyes._

 _Raph smiled up at me painfully, blood dribbling down the side of his mouth. "Don't…cry…Mikey. E-E-E-Everything will…..be…..f-f-fine. L-L-L-Let me…see…you….s-s-smile."_

 _Painfully, I obeyed his harsh request. He smiled sadly at my smile, even though tears fell from my eyes. But as soon the smile had found its way onto my face, it lost its way and fell once more. Sobs wracking through my body, as well as the others'._

" _Don't sleep, Raph." Donnie instructed._

" _I'm not…gonna…m-m-m-m-make it. Y'know…..th-th-th-that…D-D-D-D-D-Don."_

 _Donnie placed a hand against Raph's cheek. "You can't die, Raph. You've got so much to live for."_

" _I'm…f-f-f-f-fifteen…that's l-l-l-long enough….I-I-I-I suppose," Raph looked to Leo whose face was constructed into one of fear, pain, and concern. "I'm gonna…g-g-g-g-get to….m-m-meet….T-T-T-T-Tang-Sh-Sh-Shen and…..Yoshi. I wish I could…s-s-s-s-s-send….you…..a…p-p-p-postcard."_

" _You can't die, Raph. You're my best friend." Leo sobbed as he held Raph's hand._

 _Raph squeezed Leo's hand as tight as he could, which wasn't very tight. "Y-Y-You're…..m-m-mine, too. We'll….s-s-s-s-see…each other…..a-a-a-a-again. But it….better be…..later…and not soon."_

 _I sobbed as tears trailed my face. "This is all my fault!" I yelled. "I shouldn't have come out! I'm sorry I failed you, Raphie! I'm the worst brother ever!"_

 _Raph placed a heavy hand on my cheek, and my baby blue eyes met amber ones. "Mikey…y-y-y-y-y-you're one of the…best ones a…t-t-t-t-turtle could h-h-have. I l-l-l-love….." But he couldn't finish his sentence before his body fell limp. His chest fell. His hand fell. His eyes fell._

 _My eyes widened, and my breathing hitched._

 _He was gone._

 _Just like that._

 _Gone._

" _Raphael!" I yelled in anguish, allowing all of New York to hear. My voice booming and echoing over everyone's voices in the building. Every car bustling in the New York streets. Everyone and everything._

I sighed as the rain continued to flow down my silhouette. We all lost Raphael that night. But we all lost different things. I watched the rain pile up into gigantic puddles on the New York City sidewalks.

I looked back up to the grey sky as rain continued to pour from the sky. Every now and then when a cloud would pass by, I would be able to see the amber sky. It reminded me of Raphael's amber eyes. Oh, how I longed to see them again.

I wanted to hear his sarcastic remarks once more. Hear his gruff laugh. Hear the thick Brooklyn accent his voice possessed. Hear him call me names like, Shellferbrains, block head, idiot, stupid, etc. Shell, I wanted him to be able to hit me in the back of the head once more.

But it was impossible to get back.

I took my Shell-Cell out and took a picture of the scene. I'd have to sketch it later on. Raph would like that. If only I could give it to him. He always did like my drawings.

"I wish you could see this with me. I wish you could be standing right here with me." I told the sky. As the rain began to pour harder I sat on the edge of the roof, allowing my legs to dangle. I looked at the time on my Shell-Cell.

 _2:14am_

I sighed. I'd go home in maybe an hour. Or whenever the rain stopped. These are the times I wished I had sat here on the edge with him, watching the rain fall.

"Why did you have to miss this?" My attention span had somehow grown over the time period he had been gone. Our family didn't split up; it was my job to keep us together. My job to keep Donnie alive.

If I wasn't there, Donnie would starve in his lab and die of sleep deprivation. He hardly ate anymore unless I made him food, and forced him to eat it in front of me.

" _C'mon, Don, please eat." I pleaded, coming in two hours later after putting food on his desk, only to come back to find the food undevoured._

" _I don't need it, Mike, but thanks for the thought." He said as he typed away at his computer, his normal olive green complexion one of a sea sick green._

 _I sighed. How could someone be so smart yet, so stupid at the same time? "Don, you're killing yourself. Would Raph want you to be doing this to yourself? I don't think he would. I think he'd want you to keep living and move on. But you're doing the opposite, Donnie," I sat in a chair next to him and stroked his arm with a sad look in my eyes. "If you can't do it for your little brother, can you do it for your big brother?"_

 _Donnie looked at me, eyes sad, smile sad, but he was still smiling. "I'll eat, Mikey. I'm sorry for hurting you."_

 _I smiled back at him sadly as he enveloped me in a hug. "Apology accepted, bro. I love you both, so much."_

 _He laughed lightly. "And we love you, too, Mikey."_

Leo trained a lot more now. More than he did before. And that was a lot. But this is just torture to himself. I have to yell at him a lot so he goes to sleep so he doesn't hurt himself. He's already had four trips to the med bay since Raph died. I think my last confrontation with him embedded into his thick skull.

 _I watched from the doorway of the dojo as Leo, once again, pushed himself way past his limit. You'd think he had learned his lesson after his first four trips to the medical bay after he did this to himself, but I guess his skull was too thick to learn._

" _How many times do I have to tell you, Leo? You're hurting yourself."  
_

" _So what?" He asked as he continued to swing his katanas at the practice dummy before him, a wooden one. "I have to get better. I let one of my brothers fall, I will not let the other two to fall."_

 _My baby blue eyes saddened. "You mean, I let him down?"_

 _Leo stopped, cold turkey. "Huh?"_

" _I'm the one who gave away our position, purposely at that. Raph took a hit meant for me, and he suffered my punishment. It's my fault, Leo. All my fault. And now because of me, Donnie can barely remember to eat, and you won't stop pushing yourself over the limit. All because of me!" I said sadly as a tear began to fall down my face. I gave out a sniffle._

 _Leo sheathed his katanas and walked over to me, placing his hands against my shoulders. "Mikey, what happened to Raph was not your fault."_

" _Shut up!" I yelled at Leo, jerking away from his touch. His face was one of shock at my sudden outburst. "It was all my fault! He was killed because of me, and now you guys are paying the price!"_

Leo forced me into a hug. "Mikey, calm down. You're screaming." I hadn't even realized that I had been screaming. All I knew at this point is that I had been freaking out.

 _But my screams slowly died down as I was being held by my big brother. Soon I broke down sobbing in his arms. "Now, because I got Raphie killed, I'm killing you and Donnie." I sobbed._

 _Leo kissed the top of my head. Something he hadn't done since we were six. "It wasn't your fault, Mikey. I'll make you a deal. I won't work as hard in the dojo if you stop blaming yourself. Deal?"_

 _I knew it was a hard proposition for Leo to make since he felt like he had to get better as a leader, but since it concerned my mental stability, he would have proposed just about anything. I nodded, tears cascading down my face. "Deal."_

"I miss you, Raph." I tell the sky. The sky thunders in reply. I splash my hand against a puddle next to my hand as tears begin to cascade down my face. He should be here, splashing in puddles, watching the rain ricochet off of the buildings and any surface it first hits.

After we had left the Shredder's lair, Donnie _had_ tried to save Raph, but he had been too late. And as I said before:

Father cried.

Leo screamed.

Donnie self-blamed.

I sobbed painfully.

Klunk had rubbed against Raph's leg, trying to arouse the not breathing turtle. If only she could understand that Raph wasn't coming back.

The wind swirled my orange mask tails around as I stayed sitting on the rooftop edge. I looked back up to the sky for the final time. And just before I began to go home, I uttered four more words to the sky.

"You should be here."

* * *

 **Just a sad little one shot that came to mind while listening to the song 'You Should Be Here' by Cole Swindell. Speaking of, I know I used some lyrics from his song. I take absolutely no credit in the song or lyrics. All of it belongs to Cole Swindell. Did you like it, love it, hate it? Let me know. Your opinion matters. :)**


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